the '59 sound

race day is a meer 30days away... so far the furthest I have ran is about 6.5 miles.. hahah.. an I am totally fine with that.. I am 1/2 way thru my Insanity cross fit training and my husband tells me I am really starting to tone up.. I feel that this is the best shape I have ever been in.. an some of you may think-- well what about after bootcamp.. well LET ME TELL YOU... after boot camp.. I was one tubby bunny! I didn't PT nearly enough compared to the 3 meals a day they make you eat... My Munky an I are renting a car and headed to San Diego for a week.. really excited... My Rectr I THINK has my paper work submitted.. every time I turn around he tells me it's sent thru--- then he's all.. there are some documents we need to fix.. please go to FedEx an spend 20 $ on faxing me 3 papers with a signature.. an this rate, will you just forge my sig, Gunny?? really... this is getting tiresome.. just get me back int he Corps before I remember who EFFING annoying it is to get shit taking care of.. Because you are doing a pretty good job of reminding me of this... I write him emails about once a day.. he responds once a week. I hope I am not irritating him, but on the same note-- this is my damn life. And not to sound like a snob.. I get what I want.. an I mean that as.. I want to go back in the Marine Corps as a reservist.. an I will harass you until it goes through... I will be incharge of seeing to it that it gets done... I get what I want by following up... AND YOU AREN'T DOING A GOOD JOB STAYING ON TASK, GYSGT!

anyhow... IRS sent us a notice saying my tax return was incorrect an we are only getting 25$ back... :(.... then 2 days later another notice saying "we have garnished you 25$ an put it towards the 500$ Daniel hows from 2008 taxes.... :( double meh.. good thing H&R block rocks.. and they are handling everything because the IRS messed up.. so everything will be fine... and I can put that money towards fixing our Jeep that got a hit n run on Sunday. triple meh... :(.. hahahahahahaha it's okay.. that's why we have insurance and savings! I got my official "Congrats" letter from the Art Institute of Seattle for their Culinary program! YAY! So... that starts when i get back from MOS School from june to july for 30 days.. that is.. IF I GET MY BUTT BACK IN THE CORPS! hahah so it'll be a busy month!

LYNNIE'S WEDDING IS IN 2 WEEKENDS!! gahhh!!! how did this time go by so fast! Very excited for her! She has done a GREAT job planning an organizing this! Can't wait for all the festivities to start! and the bachelorette party is at a casino north of here.. zoo excited an happy that Emery is such a BA bff.. an on top of things..I could never do the MOH duties like she has! *pats her on the back..! Good job sweet pea! Ok.. I smell really bad... I need to shower .. Insanity really kicked my tubby bunny butt today!! Until we speak again... your one and only....

Gilligan.

when the toilet seat breaks... it's time to drop a few....

tomorrow is my birthday party.. it'll be Gilligan's Island themed.. only appropriate that I dress up as Gilligan.. I am Gilligan after all.. married or not.. my name precedes me.. an I can't do anything about it.. This will be my 2nd Gilligan's Island birthday party... Keesh Feesh threw me one for my 22nd when we were in the Corps.. it was amazing... Do you remember those days... man.. those days were awesome... Listening to the Misfits tonight... an i HAVENT had anything to drink... I'm real excited about tomorrow.. i will be making a flip flop birthday cake for myself n Alica Pusey.. pretty stoked about this... Im sure I had something insightful to say but it has escaped me.

who knew Katy Perry was so rad?

Goals Goals Goals.... It came to mind recently that the only reason I do things is to stay busy.. this may be true.. but if feels great to set goals... Especially when I accomplish them... Today, danny and i ran 5.2 miles... it was a slow run with a few sprints thrown in there.. but if felt great.. and made the idea of 13 miles seem less of an obstacle.

The season is changing, and the sun has been out more.. i think it's what is making me miss North Carolina ... who ever thought i'd actually miss that place.. but I really do.. I more so miss the car rides with Keesh Feesh singing cadence... sitting outside the barracks, smoking a cigg with Kayla at 7 am on a saturday morning-- realizing it was the 1st time I had seen a saturday morning in a looonngg time.. I miss coming home to a building filled with friends... the 3rd deck that was door to door of people I knew.. Broz living down the cat walk.. Mikey's room right there.... Bott begin my head mate... Sanford n Scott an our trip to Knoxville-- where it looked like a 5 year old was living in the back seat... Living with scott n Keesh.. an our parties.. and the night someone ate the head of the Habu Sake snake?? haha who did that?? our neighbor?? Miss the night we found out i ruined my key board... keesh an i got pulled over for pealing out in my eclipse at the beach trying to show off.. hahaha i miss my little convertible.. driving the strip of road down to Jville.. that same strip that I once sat in MCT staring out the window wondering if I was every going to be getting out of training... I miss when we all lived in the barracks... Whitfield, Lew, Grieder, Cruz Meowser....

When danny 1st moved in with me... an it was summer days an we'd run the railroad tracks behind our apartment... its so sunny there.. thats all i remember it as... sunny... and beautiful....

I know all chapters have to come to an end.. but isn't it the chance of season that makes you reflect on all the changes of life?... it's such a bitter sweet thought....

we've come so far... and i can't wait to find out what's next... but for right now.. I love where I came from.. that Katy Perry song.. "part of me" reminded me of all of this... the music vid ( if you haven't seen it) she breaks up with her cheating bf an joins the Corps... oh man... didn't we all run away from something....??/

I am done with school now... an have all this free time.. i am geeked....

gotta shower now... an head to another amazing day at the barbershop :) I love everything.

control. manipulation. stress. Life.

I understand that there are parts of us that we are inclined to control the situation around us. Woman meet men, they fall in love.. and then over time (or right off the bat) the woman takes on the roll of controlling all aspects of his life, their marriage, etc..

Why is this? It is the motherly intuition that takes over to makes sure everything thing is in working order, but when you are young, in life an in a relationship/marriage you don't know where to draw the line or you don't know what you just CAN'T be in control of??

Luckily, I am here to tell you.. if you are new in a marriage.. you eventually start to relax.. Now, I am not saying you don't stop trying to control every part of your husbands life--- but I can tell that I SLOOOWWWLYYYY am able to just stop trying to add my two cents, to EVERYTHING... it is an everyday battle.. an frankly, its flipping annoying... Men are big boys.. they don't need to be looked after like we think they do... Now, I also believe that men secretly do love it-- whether or not they will admit to it.. for the most part I could generalize an say- They are looking of that motherly replacement to be taken care of. I can see that they like their laundry done, their room cleaned, their lunch made.. (dear Lord, I do not to these things at ALL on a regular basis) but I can for sure see that it is enjoyed...

but, there are limits.. you just can't be in control of EVERYTHING... stop forgetting that they have their own lives.. that they want to do as they please, and that they need to feel in charge.. you can't have two chiefs all the time.. after awhile, you both find your place where one person knows what they are in charge of, and the other knows their place of dominating...

this is what I am working on. If I feel this everlasting desire to be in control of EVERYTHING.. which I think is just an excuse to have a reason to be pissy 1/2 the time.... then I should be able to manipulate that desire into more constructive behavior rather then destructing me marriage.

PT

Physical Training. It may very well be the only thing that I can be in complete control over.. and it's healthy... All the stress of my life all of the subjects that I want to add my two cents to... PT is a way to relive that desire... I can control what goes in my mouth, how hard I push myself, my routine, my output, I see results... So... I am trying to control my own life.. In the end... why isn't that enough...? why are woman ( I am speaking for myself, BTW - so if you are a female and you don't have these issues... I don't mean to offend you-- I just see a pattern in a lot of friends of mine... an myself)... always trying to fix everything in everyone else's life when they can't just focus on perfecting their own. So- here is my advice in which I am currently following... I am on the longest work out routine I have ever been on--- excluding Marine Corps boot camp... that was against my will HAHAHA... but for a little over a month now, I have been eating BETTER.. (not perfect, but better) I am working out 3-5 days a week.. and SLOWLY seeing results... I am trying to focus this need to be in control over everything... an pushing it towards personal best... if I have to be in control-- why not make it of myself.... Grow. Build. Strive. Succeed. control yourself before you get bent out of shape because your man can't read your mind of craziness an may have let you down.. on something retarded... that you made up as a reason to just be mad...

do you ever notice that... ? sometimes we just need to cause ripples? if its too smooth, we subconsciously find a reason to stir up nonsense...???

take that rage... that frustration... that desire to control EVERYTHING.. an manipulate it... burn it off... build yourself... reach your goals... Stay on track.. your man is a full grown adult.. and together you can build a beautiful, lasting relationship... just get over the fact that you don't need to regulate everything in his life... Remember, he was a person before you met him.. an he had things he loved to do... an you loved him for it.. ;o)... don't forget that... with that being said.... I love my husband, and every damn thing he was before I met the man.... and that's what I want to hang on to.. I don't wanna change him.. I want to look at him in 40 years and see that 22 year old that 1st blew my socks off!

i hope this helps some of you.. I know I have had conversations with some of my gf's an we all look blankly at each other wondering... WHY DO WE DO THIS...

o yeah, an pray on it.. It's amazing what the Lord knows you are capable of :o)

this dark cloud of truth...its kinda depressing...

I've noticed a trend in my blogs. It's mainly due to the fact that when I have this mild feeling of deep thought or depression, I find the need to share it with everyone... I'd like to add that this is not the way I am 24/7.. it's just something I have on my mind and have the desire to share.. as if it's a way to clear my thoughts, a way of healing... or maybe some of you may be experiencing the same things in life.. I am also noticing a cycle... call it PMS.. maybe that's just a good excuse for it... but about once a month for about a week I have a dark cloud of insecurities looming over myself... Altho I am happy.. I still feel it's there.. maybe its the feeders... (mom knows what I am talking about.. as if I am Nes Freemark... an the feeders are hiding out in my shadows of darkness waiting for the moment of weakness to really go to work...)... I had a big slap in the face of reality recently... Where I thought of myself in one light, and was told that it wasn't at all how I had perceived.. It's quite shocking... it's more so shocking because I was deliberately making an effort to avoid these circumstances, and then I was made aware that it was exactly the opposite of what I was trying to do... Now, this was a wonderful thing.. Dad always says, "words mean things" and that is exactly true... The things you say or do... other people may not take them the way you intend... seems like a 'no brainer' but really.... it happens.... thankfully I have people in my life that love me enough and have the balls to say, "listen Glo, this is how it is.. an this is what you're doing.." otherwise.. what... we walk thru our lives in our little bubbles of how we perceive the rest of the world sees us... especially if you are working on your own personality... we are a product of our surroundings.. an i see youth as an excuse to act like an ass.. it is the time in your life to find the way, learn from mistakes, seek new experiences and grow as an individual.. but as you get older.. you have nothing to hide behind... Ignorance is no excuse.. I think.. in my own little world.. that a person should seek to be the best person possible... seek self improvement... are you a good friend? are you a good listener? do you follow thru with tasks? can you be relied upon? these are some values that mean something in my life.. that I forever am thinking about.. because this is the type of person i love.. an therefor this is the type of person i want to become... so when you are told,... that you're really not that way... it sucks to hear... but its exactly what you need to hear.. maybe its just that time of month-- so everything seems so amplified... does this make me full of myself, that I am always focused on my image?? well.. what if it is to always be focused on improving my image? trying to be a better person to other people... should i just, "get over myself"??? but humility... an becoming humble is something where you have to focus on yourself... so you can grow... your 20's i think is a time to exp life... grow.. an work on success... i was talking to my husband last night about some people I have considered friends of mine.. an how i have noticed that when i get done talking to these people.. i feel worse then before... that they just aren't nice people.. they aren't people I wont in my life.. now, he said... "make sure you aren't forming these ideas off of one conversation with these people.. maybe they were having a bad day.." well... i guess he's right.. but then when i think about the years i have known them.. they have always been an ass.. maybe i was just an ass too an didn't notice.. and then it occurred to me.. Danny, you don't make people feel bad... you don't pick on them, belittle them, ridicule them.. I bet I could ask every single person my husband has EVER met before.. and not one person would be able to recall a time that Danny wasn't nice, loving, humble, considerate, or just plain bad ass... now .. THAT is a person we should all be like.. that is someone that won't bring you down... Can people say that about you?? How are you impacting people's lives.. In this instance... i don't need to "get over myself.." these are values I need to focus on.. an I'm sorry if that means i have to think about myself all the time.. but if i am not evaluating and considering how i effect other people.. then I can't be the best person to others as I want to be... So.. with all this being said... I just want to curl up an pray... i want to be alone and have time to ask for guidance... ask to be the best person God made me... i know it doesn't happen over night.. but maybe the more I beat myself up about it.. the more likely it is to all sink in... also--- INTERRUPTING PEOPLE!!!! HOLY SHIT am I the WORSE offender of it... it kills me that I can't sit an listen to someone long enough with out thinking what ever the hell i am saying is SOOOO much more important that I have to interrupt them... so... that's my focus...

baby steps people... baby steps... how do you eat an elephant.. ? One bite at a time..

Seattle has been hit with some major snow this last week... in some areas it was historical amounts.... What I find absolutely adorable is that no matter the age of an individual... the snow always brings the child out... I was driving thru my neighborhood and I saw what looked like grandparents out with their grandchildren... and the smile on the grandpa's face as you held the sled in his hand cheering on his grandkids was pretty priceless... Maybe it's just cause we dont get a lot of snow here, but it did give me a nice laugh... I also love that everybody comes out of the woodwork... I didnt know we had so many kids in the surrounding area.. and they were ALL at the park.. sliding down the smallest snow covered hill till the white was muddy... Today when we woke up, the warm air had come in over night and melted all the snow away.. it was good while we had it.. this past week made me feel like I was back home again.. only instead of Maple trees an Pines covered in snow, there are Evergreens... I'm still on the search of what I want to do.. there is a slight worry in the back of my mind that I will be going to school forever because I just wont be able to decide...

always starving for more.

Have we chosen the path of life in which we were meant for? How do we know this is what will make us happy? Could I have been happier choosing something else? I often find myself doing something I enjoy; like today for example... I sauteed some mushrooms, onions, cherry tomatoes and garlic together, and thru them on a toasted wheat wrap, where I cut up some grilled chicken and wilted spinach leaves, an had a spicy mustard dressing.. it tasted amazing, and I was entirely pleased with the choice of spices I had made.. While making Lynnie and me dinner I thought, " should I had gone to culinary school instead of cosmetology school?" which brings me to my next question.. is it too late? I wish I could have packed up an moved to some mountain an worked the lifts all winter an just done the "snow bum" thing.. saved my money, bought fewer items that tie me down, and travel more... should I had stayed in? always questions on my mind.. but isnt it on everyones? is that something that will always be? do we ever reach a period of time where we are okay with the path we chose? I feel like I will do something big someday! I'm going to achieve something GREAT!... my thoughts and goals are always dreaming of something better... is it just foolish talk? because... i am after all... just a dreamer..... I dream all day... all night... in the morning when my phone vibrates as the morning emails start to fill my junk box.. i lay with my eyes half open, not quite fully awake... but awake enough to day dream about the adventures and excitement I long for... shampooing my hair, when i get a client that isn't very talkative... driving home in my car w/o a stereo... an as I lay in bed at night slowly drifting off as I listen to the breath of my sleeping husband beside me.... I'm always dreaming... I pick a topic.. lets say its this idea of a café I have... i start with the items on my menu.. how much i would charge... i think about my favorite snakes or sandwiches, maybe a healthy cafe? maybe comfort foods... what would I paint the walls? i want a warm, welcoming feeling, maybe deep burgundy... internet access? leather couches? maybe a room to have a large screen TV so people can come in an pick a movie to watch?? I dream every moment I am not engaged in an active conversation, or occupied by time consuming nonsense (i.e. fb) Do we forever feel like there is something else out there for us? Is curiosity always consuming our thoughts? Will there every be a time that I look at my life an say I have made the right choices, and I am happy where I am? Or will I always starve for growth? Isn't it growth that keeps up alive, and productive? Instead of feeling like I am not doing enough, should i just recognize yearning for more is what will forever keep me in a forward perpetual motion and that its a good way of life? But would that be satisfying? or would I feel like I didnt amount to enough...