didn't have to stooooooooop so low

My time here has come to an end already.. most likely the fastest month of my life has come and gone... Getting back into it has been awesome! not going to lie... it's really hard knowing im not active... I want this life again... it fills an emptiness of wandering hopes... Itll be okay tho-- because the life I have made for myself blows MC life out of the water.. sometime I wanna save my cake and eat it too... I guess I am doing that with the reservist part.... Just sad to hear about everyones orders and where they will be going and giving them advice about the "fleet".... Thank you, Camp Johnson... you have been boring and hot/humid.. happy to leave.... but so sad to say goodbye.. -Sgt Gilligan

oh she makes me.......

I can't even tell you what the last 13 days of my life has been like.... What started in this euphoric, amazing, highly anticipated month quickly turned into the worse day of my Marine Corps... for a few reasons, in which it is no ones fault but my own. What my average PFT score is a medium to high 1st class. I started this course off by failing my PFT.. well news flash. as a Sgt, there is no room for error, and at the end of the day I could complain about frivolous things like, humidity and being out for 2 years blah blah blah... but what it boils down it, is that I didn't prepare enough, and I let the Marine Corps down. Which resulted in another Sgt telling me, essentially, that I was a disappointment and there was no reason for me to even be back in and I should have never picked up Sgt. well- slap in the face to me. But she is dead right. I understand that there are a ton of different style leaderships... PT is not my top 5 strong points. But that is something that can be controlled... So, you suck in the eff up and brush off your knees, mend your hurt ego and you put one foot in front of the other... I may not be very book smert -:) and I may not be a marathon runner... (wait, I did do that.. I just ran it slow)... and I may do everything the long and hard way 1st before I get a hang of it.. but there is one thing that no one can deny me of... an that's having heart. I'm not going to give up, I am not going to fail... (completely) and I will get better... It's been quite the adjustment getting back into the swing of things... Something things come so naturally and others throw me thru loops. I stare blankly at the instructions, trying so hard to understand and comprehend, I don't want to look like a fool... I know I'll get the hang of it.

It's hard being somewhere, starting over essentially, and not having any friends. I am not used to it... I am used to people knowing me, liking me, thinking I'm funny...

I didn't really have any expectations when I got back in.. I knew it would be different, but what I guess I didn't realize is how much time it would cause me to reflect on life. We as the NCO's are teaching and training the boots about the fleet, what it's like, what to expect, and how life is... and in the midst of everything.. I forget that I am not active... I wont be at work 24/7 with Marines... I wont be irritated one moment, running around like a headless chicken the next, and so excited every morning... I get kind of sad... This is making me wonder if I should have ever gotten out??? Should I have?? I think that there are all sorts of things in life that I want to see and be apart of it.. Maybe just the reserves is the right ave.? I do love my life in Seattle.. I love my family... my job... my cat... amazing husband an I moved to a tropical island last year... FOR THE FUN OF IT! ...where is next? What's next on my list of adventures... Should I keep my beloved Corps at an arms length so I can have my cake and eat it to?

While writing this blog, I was sitting outside my hatch on the balcony... and Taps began to play... The faint sound of the horn blanketing the outdoors in a ritual of pride and respect... we stand and salute as they lower the flag of the United States of America... and put her to bed for the night, so at 0800... she can wake up, unfurl, and dance in the breeze for the rest of the day.. representing everything we stand for and support.

this is what I missed...

The Marine Corps makes me feel like I had drive and a purpose.. Maybe because it's just a challenge for me... Everything comes the hard way... and I am pretty sure that is inadvertently self inflicted..

Maaaaatu posted a blog tonight that I stopped to read, and I loved it so much I pulled my boots into a room and read it to them....Her and I agree about a lot of things in the Corps.. and even tho (i'm pretty sure) I came in before her.... I look up to her... I respect her, I want to learn from her. She is squared away, self-motivated and driven... we share the love.... and the ambition... Still trying to figure out what it is that this life we have is in store for us... all we know is that we are going to have a blast trying to figure it out...

I have so much to do to grow--- to become better... to tweak....

Am I the person I've always wanted to be? I am not sure about that.. Some days I'd say yes and others I'd say no...

In the end, it's just to make you proud, Daddy:) What if i have lived my entire life just to make that man proud? What if every choice I have ever made was just to make him tell me how great of a job I am doing??? Am I the only one on this planet that sees how much of an amazing man my father is? How hard working, how positive, how motivated, how.. "if there is a will, there is a man named Bill" he is???? How "you are the sum total of all choices you have ever made in lifE" he is... How " Words mean things, Gloria" he is??? am i the only one that thinks this man can just about walk on water????

not sure-- but if that's what it takes me to succeed in life.. I just hope I don't let him down... I want to live out his legacy... I want to teach some little child of mine some day the importance of "you are only as old as you feel" or "excuses are for those who make them" or "success is getting up one more time then you get down".. HOLY CRAP i guess i didnt realize how many saying i knew of his.. I could go on an on.. and the end of the day..

this is me. this is the path of life I have chosen. and this is the path of life I am going to run down.. weather it takes me 32:33 or not..... :)

in closing...

Brown Chicken- brown cow. Sgt Gilligan

The boys of the past.

never replacing the old.

on thursday i will board a plane and head to MOS school for the Marine Corps... again... but this time i am not a PVT. I am nervous and full of excitement to find out what is to come, and to be apart of something I love so much, again... I can't help but compare it to what I already know.. but it's not going to be the same.. fb is annoying when you don't want to run down memory lane.. but you find yourself flashing thru album after album, reliving your old moments in time..

I find myself on the Marine Corps ball of 2007... all of my friends.. all together... having a blast.. we are all LCpl's and some have already made it to Cpl.... so young.. not that we are old now.. but we are for sure not 21 anymore... it's hard to grasp that 6 years have already come and gone...

6 years is kind of a long time when you have only been an adult for 8.

I went to the Marine Corps ball this last year with someone I just met because he needed a date... (friends of friends)... I remember looking around (this was also before I decided to reup)... but I looked around and saw 300 Marines that I had never met before.. granted, we all do the same thing at the Ball.. sit around.. all done up in our best dress, eat slightly cold dinner, watch the Comm of the Corps give a speech (which is always found to have the audio mess up along the way)... followed by excessive drinking, black outs, dancing, and some of us puking.. But i realized that I don't know anyone.. and that the Corps will never be the same for me...

Headed to school in 5 days.. I must remember that this is not to relive the past, nor is it to duplicate my old life.... this is a new beginning and I can't be let down if it doesn't fulfill my nostalgia. If anything this is a chance to be the Marine I always wanted to be..

starting new things in 2012...

I started my Bachelor of Science in Culinary Arts last Monday.. a lot of homework, but i am excited to be learning new things...

and SUPER pumped to make dinner for my roommates and have them tell me how much they love it or what they can do to change it :)...

I also bought a leather journal.. i'll be channeling a lot of my thoughts there...

until my thoughts get too much -Gilligan

little bit of this.. little bit of that....

so- was going to write a blog on having children an why i am just not there.. then i found it directionless an boring. searching for a top to speak about... something that will bring insightful laughter an relatable memories.. but nope.. no motivation. I am sitting here with a clay masque on my face, hot rollers in my hair, Crest bleach strips on my teeth, an contemplating repainting the three nails that i smudged yesterday... chores must be done... laundry always to be washed an folded, an all the while Family Guy is distracting me.

July 19th I head to NC for training in the Marine Corps. I'm stoked. Stoked to feel like a belong again-- to train an lead Marines... I'm stoked to be miserable and fall out of formation runs... even tho I just ran a 1/2 marathon.. i sure as hell have a hard time doing any type of distance... in a timely manner.

my dad's brewery, Boatyard Brewing Co. is really taking off.. So happy for him.. just goes to show that you are not too old to start your dream. Too many of us find reasons to not pursue happiness, instead we stand by- comfortably miserable in life because routine is too hard to step off the beaten path...

what are my goals for when i turn 30.. 30 was a milestone, now I look at it as right around the corner.. my next bday will put me in my late 20's... I am not like other people.. i don't dread getting older.. I actually lie sometimes and tell people I am older then I am now.. just so they may take me more seriously. I am a screw off, clown, always looking' for a laugh.. but those people.. those kinds of people aren't ever taken seriously.. so .. maybe they will take a 29 y/o seriously.. haha .. But I have these goals in life. an I hope that where I plan to be at 30 really is where I will be... .. ya know.. i got nothing.... Cheers.

Gilligan

the '59 sound

race day is a meer 30days away... so far the furthest I have ran is about 6.5 miles.. hahah.. an I am totally fine with that.. I am 1/2 way thru my Insanity cross fit training and my husband tells me I am really starting to tone up.. I feel that this is the best shape I have ever been in.. an some of you may think-- well what about after bootcamp.. well LET ME TELL YOU... after boot camp.. I was one tubby bunny! I didn't PT nearly enough compared to the 3 meals a day they make you eat... My Munky an I are renting a car and headed to San Diego for a week.. really excited... My Rectr I THINK has my paper work submitted.. every time I turn around he tells me it's sent thru--- then he's all.. there are some documents we need to fix.. please go to FedEx an spend 20 $ on faxing me 3 papers with a signature.. an this rate, will you just forge my sig, Gunny?? really... this is getting tiresome.. just get me back int he Corps before I remember who EFFING annoying it is to get shit taking care of.. Because you are doing a pretty good job of reminding me of this... I write him emails about once a day.. he responds once a week. I hope I am not irritating him, but on the same note-- this is my damn life. And not to sound like a snob.. I get what I want.. an I mean that as.. I want to go back in the Marine Corps as a reservist.. an I will harass you until it goes through... I will be incharge of seeing to it that it gets done... I get what I want by following up... AND YOU AREN'T DOING A GOOD JOB STAYING ON TASK, GYSGT!

anyhow... IRS sent us a notice saying my tax return was incorrect an we are only getting 25$ back... :(.... then 2 days later another notice saying "we have garnished you 25$ an put it towards the 500$ Daniel hows from 2008 taxes.... :( double meh.. good thing H&R block rocks.. and they are handling everything because the IRS messed up.. so everything will be fine... and I can put that money towards fixing our Jeep that got a hit n run on Sunday. triple meh... :(.. hahahahahahaha it's okay.. that's why we have insurance and savings! I got my official "Congrats" letter from the Art Institute of Seattle for their Culinary program! YAY! So... that starts when i get back from MOS School from june to july for 30 days.. that is.. IF I GET MY BUTT BACK IN THE CORPS! hahah so it'll be a busy month!

LYNNIE'S WEDDING IS IN 2 WEEKENDS!! gahhh!!! how did this time go by so fast! Very excited for her! She has done a GREAT job planning an organizing this! Can't wait for all the festivities to start! and the bachelorette party is at a casino north of here.. zoo excited an happy that Emery is such a BA bff.. an on top of things..I could never do the MOH duties like she has! *pats her on the back..! Good job sweet pea! Ok.. I smell really bad... I need to shower .. Insanity really kicked my tubby bunny butt today!! Until we speak again... your one and only....

Gilligan.

when the toilet seat breaks... it's time to drop a few....

tomorrow is my birthday party.. it'll be Gilligan's Island themed.. only appropriate that I dress up as Gilligan.. I am Gilligan after all.. married or not.. my name precedes me.. an I can't do anything about it.. This will be my 2nd Gilligan's Island birthday party... Keesh Feesh threw me one for my 22nd when we were in the Corps.. it was amazing... Do you remember those days... man.. those days were awesome... Listening to the Misfits tonight... an i HAVENT had anything to drink... I'm real excited about tomorrow.. i will be making a flip flop birthday cake for myself n Alica Pusey.. pretty stoked about this... Im sure I had something insightful to say but it has escaped me.