*glo*

I dont think anyone really realizes how much it means to me when people call me "Glo" Glo is a name that my close friends and family have always called me... much like every Gloria out there... but when people are comfortable, they call me Glo... I like this... or people who don't even know my well... but call me Glo because my family does... this makes me happy too. At work, the gals call me Glo now.. i like that as well.. friends of my brother... who I hardly ever speak with call me Glo.. men my dad works with... call me Glo...

It warms my heart.. and I dont think anyone realizes it but me :)

We're just two lost souls..swimming in a fish bowl... year after year....

I dont believe in panic attacks.. and I dont believe in ADHD... I believe that we are all in control of our own feelings. It's amazing what a healthy life style and diet does to an individual...along with the right amount of sleep each night.. Now, with that being said... my extreme level of ADHD is pissing me off lately... as well as my sudden panic attacks. I don't know if either of them are what they actually are.. But I keep panicking lately.. I am stressing about up coming events in life and the change of scenery that will be happening.. It's true... we all have to grow up some day in our lives... but when it's good.. you don't want that to change.. you want to keep having and awesome life.. awesome time.. awesome friends.. I love my job, i love my family, my home.. my friends.. my moments in life when i find myself driving down the 405 gazing out into traffic.. thinking about how awesome everything is... i love having a really awesome moment in time and thinking.. this is going to be a memory later... someday I'll look back and reflect on this exact moment I am living and wish I were here.. and want to reply everything about it in my mind.. and here I am.. living it... but as time is ever changing.. that moment is gone...

the question of contentment has been on my mind lately.. will I ever be content...being content? I dont really believe in that either.. as much as i'd like to say yes there is a goal of mine.. i know me well enough to know that i like change... as scary as it is.. and as much as i long for the good times to last and last.. i know that when life is too much of the same.. i must stir things up... it sucks sometimes..but i guess thats what keeps things exciting. I'm sad to be tearing up everything I am comfortable with and jumbling it all around-- but isn't that what keeps us in a fwd perpetual motion?

anxiety has been building up.... maybe i just gotta go for a run...

It's time for a new leaf...

This last weekend was most likely one of the best in my life... and I'm here to tell you about it. As you all know I was in school for a month in July learning my new MOS for the Marine Corps. So this last weekend was the 1st reserve drill weekend I've had. Earlier in the week I was pointed in the direction to write this Sgt an email an let him know I'll be on deck the following weekend and I needed billeting for the room at the hotel.... He writes back and says, "Just show up in Alphas and we will go from there." Well this is irritating because I have a lot of question, and that doesn't answer anything. So I write him back. "Roger that Sgt, I already checked in to the unit when I got back from MOS school, do I still need to be in my Alphas? I know the company is going to the range this weekend, should I be prepared for that or have to bring anything? There may be CFT (combat fitness tests) to make up, should I be prepared to do that as well? Let me know asap so I can plan accordingly." So, the Sgt doesn't write me back and I can't get ahold of anyone.. So I Thursday morning I leave my house at 0445 to get to base by 0600. Im standing there in my dress uniform and the Marine I checked in after MOS school walks up to me and says, "Sgt, why are you in Alphas? You already checked in?" GAHHHHHHH!!!! **&^(^(#$(%ADFA*!! WHY DOES COMMUNICATION SUCK SO MUCH IN THE CORPS?!?!?!... So the Cpl tells me to go put on my cammies... "Aye, Cpl" lol...I change over and get introduced to the company GySgt.. he tells me that I will be attached to H&S Co. but doesn't know the details just yet.. Oh,okay.. roger that.. and tells me to go to supply and get my stuff I'm headed to the range this weekend .. ok! awesome! So i go an get my rifle.. and head to supply.. "Hey Sgt, sorry.. but we dont have anymore gear.." ... what do you mean???? "Um, well we dont have anything really left... what would you like?" ... "Well... do you have a sleep system?" .. "No".. well.. tell me what you do have?? Do you have a fleece, gator, gloves, polypro, and gortex?" Check... gimme that shit.. do you have a day pack I can put this in? "No. "... well screw you too then supply... OMgoodness... I just remembered that Danny and I camped out last weekend and all of our supplies are in the jeep still! THANK YOU!!!... I also was smart enough to have brought my pack that I bought that is authorized in cammies.. so, I pack my stuff up to hurry up an wait...

1st night.. trying to figure out all my stuff.. and where i belong.. reserves are a little different.. no structure right off the bat... that, or people were all lost bcuz of the range? i dunno.. but either way i spent the 1st day asking "WHO IS MY STAFF NCO?!?!?" That night- we have a Sgt's brief and I pull Gunny aside and ask, "Gunnery Sgt.. will you please inform me as to what I am doing here? Where I should be? And what my duties are? This is killing me, wandering around like a lost puppy..." So he tells me he's assigning me to H&S Co, Headquarters PLT Sgt.. awesome.. I've heard nothing but turrrrible things about this...but that's fitting.. I always have been the gold medal finalist a the special olympics.. That night I held formation with my new plt to introduce myself to them... as I barked "Plt, FALL IN"... their eyes perked open like that hadn't heard that in a minute.. I watch them slum along kind of dragging as to the POA (position of attention).. nasty... maybe it's because i have been out for a few years.. but oh man.. nasty... i say..

"Good Evening Marines, my name is Sgt Gilligan and I am your new Plt Sgt. I wanted to introduce myself to you and let you know a little bit about me and my beliefs.. 1st an foremost.. This is the United States Marine Corps, and even though you only cut your nasty hair one day a month, and get the privilege to put this uniform on two days a month, you will not forget that you are part of an elite group of people that get to call themselves Marines. I love the Marine Corps, and I am pumped to be here! I'm excited to be your Plt Sgt and I am excited to make you love the Corps as much as I do.. This shit seeps thru my pours... and I hope you get infected. Rank structure is crucial. Everything we do in the Marine Corps has a bigger picture to it.. and something as little as addressing your senior Marines by rank and name is the 1st step.. You will stand at parade rest when speaking to an NCO when you are not an NCO.. because I will do the same damn thing when Gunny comes rolling up to talk to me. " blah blah blah.. something along those lines.. The weekend went great and I was pumped and motivated.. I worked the pits on the little end all weekend on the radio.. running up an down and having a great time.. Terrified about qualing... It had been 4 years since I touched a rifle... well I did a great job.. and i feel like it was legit.. like.. i didnt get the hook ups from the pit.. I took well aimed shots.. and when I knew I hadnt taken my time.. it showed.. over all i shot a 233, Expert.. the highest inthe CO was 243 i think.. so not too shabby.. there were def things I could had done to geta higher score, but I was happy with it.. Back from the field on Sunday my XO (boot Lt.) pulls me aside to give me an initial counseling.. after asking me a bunch of questions about my life and where I came from she says, "Sgt, I am really excited you are here. I noticed you the minute you got on deck with your rush of enthusiasm and excitement. I love what you've done with your plt already and how motivated you are, watching you with your Marines makes me wish I was a Sgt, you motivate the hell out of me" blah blah blah... I was so excited! I was so nervous this weekend, coming in.. not knowing what it would be like.. and getting positive feedback made me as smitten as a kitten... Then after we secured.. my Company Gunny shot me a text message that said "out standing job this weekend, Sgt Gilligan.. you really came in at full speed.." or something like that... so it meant a lot to me.. and I feel confident and excited... life seems amazing right now.. and I am so happy to be back in the Marines.. and leading.. better yet.. getting the opportunity to lead... I never really got this chance when I was in... maybe a little.. but ya know.. I was always Gilligan.. i always felt like.... i dunno... I wont go into details here.. but I didn't ever feel like a good Marine.. my 1st couple of years was spent drunk and erasing the memories from the night before... never put in a position of authority till the very end.. and I really can't blame them.. I was too busy trying to be the funny guy for all the Marines.. I feel like I get a 2nd chance now. and I like how it's starting off.. its a new leaf for me... leaving Gilligan behind and rushing in as Sgt Sherer... This is my time to shine... and to do what I long to do... Lead Marines.... Hope I do a good job...

But Ill always be me... that wont ever change....

no matter how hard I try.. there will always be Dan Gilligan's genes inside, just dying to make people laugh... Thnx Dad! hahah

a little PT... just for you... just for me.....

*grumble grumble grumble* I went for a run this morning.... I know I am not the fastest runner.. but i felt great.. and I was running a 27-28 min PFT... THAT'S almost 6 minutes off my runtime! GAHHHH!!!! I am so embarrassed that I started MOS school off on such a bad foot :( I knew I could do better then that! Does humidity really screw you over like that?!?!?! I didn't realize that! I have my CFT in a few weeks-- i'm pretty confident it will be just fine... I guess rifle range is the same weekend.. This will be pretty exciting!

My cat doesn't let me sit on my computer.. she's such an attention whore like her mother... she must walk all over me and thru her head under my hands .. DEMANDING i pet her.. stop what I am doing... and show her love.. AND THEN... she RUNS thru the house like a mad woman! i know none of us in the house are drug users, but i wonder if she finds 8balls of crack somewhere....

Gilligan

i want to kiss you, but i want it too much, i want to taste you.. but your lips are venomous poison.....

back to the grind...

Jumping in with both feet i feel energized, confident, determined, and motivated! my music runs thru my veins, rushes my blood and its making me feel like I'm a million dollars... pulling motivation from my peers keeps the ultimate goal in full focus.. the only thing i have to really concentrate on is keeping my eye on the prize... This summer has brought lots of changes... I just spent 30 days back in the Corps... even though it was just student status- it was just what I needed to get a grasp of what I want... I just registered for fall qtr.. i am a little nervous of how busy I will be.. but i know that in the end.. it will all be worth it.. from 0630- to 2100 just about every day except sundays i will be in school then work.. if it's worth having in life, it's worth working your ass off for... some day I know I will look back on my life when i am an old woman and i will smile... i'll smile because i know i gave it my all. there are times when we fall off track- i think that's natural.. but the difference is when you recognize it, grab life by the horns and control your situation.. I say all the time and i'll say it again... from the great words of my father, "you are the sum total of all decisions you have made in life..." you don't sit around pouting because of your situation. YOU put yourself there.. YOU are responsible.. AND ONLY YOU... can change it.. so take a big gulp of suck it the @#$^ up and do something about it. I choose to be a product of my choices, not the other way around.

I don't really know what it is- but I feel like a ray of sunshine and energy.

I am so proud of the people in my life as well. Friends are coming out of the wood work to ask you about my father's brewing company.. and I can't help but get all bubbly and giddy inside for him and his best friend for doing just that.. taking life in the hands and pursing a goal in which they have both desired. I am confident that their choices in life have impacted others and help motivate people that may not even know in life. I am in Seattle, Washington and I have had clients in my chair tell ME about my dad's brewery in Kalamazoo, Michigan. my hats off to you daddy.. you have always been my cheer leader in life, always backed me up.. and always grounded me when i got too high... you are my saving grace, and I am forever indebted to your love and support.. you will always have mine...

i can't tell you what the future holds for me.. but i know it's going to be great... and on that note.. i'd like to address my husband...

Danny may very well be the most amazing man I have met in my life... ( i never met my father, i always knew him :) -- ) His love and support, and undying devotion and love centers me... He's encouraging and trusting even when i know he is leery... He is always there to make sure I have an open mind.. and makes me see the other side of the coin in all circumstances.. even when i don't want to hear it. I spend lots of my time day dreaming about him, how we met, moments in our relationship, the excitement, the uncertainty, the exhilaration and the copious amounts of impulse choices we have made together...from getting married in 12 hours.. to moving to a tropical island in which neither of us have ever been to, nor did we know anyone.. there isn't a person on this planet that I would ever want to get lost with, take uncharted adventures... or live out my days with... I'm more blessed then I deserve to be... He is my rock. My focus.. my love... and without him... well- i'd still be me.. and i'd still be independent, focused and driven... but with him..life is a lot less hectic and lonely...

I'm sweaty, smelling, sore, and the 6 mile run i just did with a break at the gym 1/2 way thru -- really makes me want to shower. Cheers for now. -Gilligan.

didn't have to stooooooooop so low

My time here has come to an end already.. most likely the fastest month of my life has come and gone... Getting back into it has been awesome! not going to lie... it's really hard knowing im not active... I want this life again... it fills an emptiness of wandering hopes... Itll be okay tho-- because the life I have made for myself blows MC life out of the water.. sometime I wanna save my cake and eat it too... I guess I am doing that with the reservist part.... Just sad to hear about everyones orders and where they will be going and giving them advice about the "fleet".... Thank you, Camp Johnson... you have been boring and hot/humid.. happy to leave.... but so sad to say goodbye.. -Sgt Gilligan

oh she makes me.......

I can't even tell you what the last 13 days of my life has been like.... What started in this euphoric, amazing, highly anticipated month quickly turned into the worse day of my Marine Corps... for a few reasons, in which it is no ones fault but my own. What my average PFT score is a medium to high 1st class. I started this course off by failing my PFT.. well news flash. as a Sgt, there is no room for error, and at the end of the day I could complain about frivolous things like, humidity and being out for 2 years blah blah blah... but what it boils down it, is that I didn't prepare enough, and I let the Marine Corps down. Which resulted in another Sgt telling me, essentially, that I was a disappointment and there was no reason for me to even be back in and I should have never picked up Sgt. well- slap in the face to me. But she is dead right. I understand that there are a ton of different style leaderships... PT is not my top 5 strong points. But that is something that can be controlled... So, you suck in the eff up and brush off your knees, mend your hurt ego and you put one foot in front of the other... I may not be very book smert -:) and I may not be a marathon runner... (wait, I did do that.. I just ran it slow)... and I may do everything the long and hard way 1st before I get a hang of it.. but there is one thing that no one can deny me of... an that's having heart. I'm not going to give up, I am not going to fail... (completely) and I will get better... It's been quite the adjustment getting back into the swing of things... Something things come so naturally and others throw me thru loops. I stare blankly at the instructions, trying so hard to understand and comprehend, I don't want to look like a fool... I know I'll get the hang of it.

It's hard being somewhere, starting over essentially, and not having any friends. I am not used to it... I am used to people knowing me, liking me, thinking I'm funny...

I didn't really have any expectations when I got back in.. I knew it would be different, but what I guess I didn't realize is how much time it would cause me to reflect on life. We as the NCO's are teaching and training the boots about the fleet, what it's like, what to expect, and how life is... and in the midst of everything.. I forget that I am not active... I wont be at work 24/7 with Marines... I wont be irritated one moment, running around like a headless chicken the next, and so excited every morning... I get kind of sad... This is making me wonder if I should have ever gotten out??? Should I have?? I think that there are all sorts of things in life that I want to see and be apart of it.. Maybe just the reserves is the right ave.? I do love my life in Seattle.. I love my family... my job... my cat... amazing husband an I moved to a tropical island last year... FOR THE FUN OF IT! ...where is next? What's next on my list of adventures... Should I keep my beloved Corps at an arms length so I can have my cake and eat it to?

While writing this blog, I was sitting outside my hatch on the balcony... and Taps began to play... The faint sound of the horn blanketing the outdoors in a ritual of pride and respect... we stand and salute as they lower the flag of the United States of America... and put her to bed for the night, so at 0800... she can wake up, unfurl, and dance in the breeze for the rest of the day.. representing everything we stand for and support.

this is what I missed...

The Marine Corps makes me feel like I had drive and a purpose.. Maybe because it's just a challenge for me... Everything comes the hard way... and I am pretty sure that is inadvertently self inflicted..

Maaaaatu posted a blog tonight that I stopped to read, and I loved it so much I pulled my boots into a room and read it to them....Her and I agree about a lot of things in the Corps.. and even tho (i'm pretty sure) I came in before her.... I look up to her... I respect her, I want to learn from her. She is squared away, self-motivated and driven... we share the love.... and the ambition... Still trying to figure out what it is that this life we have is in store for us... all we know is that we are going to have a blast trying to figure it out...

I have so much to do to grow--- to become better... to tweak....

Am I the person I've always wanted to be? I am not sure about that.. Some days I'd say yes and others I'd say no...

In the end, it's just to make you proud, Daddy:) What if i have lived my entire life just to make that man proud? What if every choice I have ever made was just to make him tell me how great of a job I am doing??? Am I the only one on this planet that sees how much of an amazing man my father is? How hard working, how positive, how motivated, how.. "if there is a will, there is a man named Bill" he is???? How "you are the sum total of all choices you have ever made in lifE" he is... How " Words mean things, Gloria" he is??? am i the only one that thinks this man can just about walk on water????

not sure-- but if that's what it takes me to succeed in life.. I just hope I don't let him down... I want to live out his legacy... I want to teach some little child of mine some day the importance of "you are only as old as you feel" or "excuses are for those who make them" or "success is getting up one more time then you get down".. HOLY CRAP i guess i didnt realize how many saying i knew of his.. I could go on an on.. and the end of the day..

this is me. this is the path of life I have chosen. and this is the path of life I am going to run down.. weather it takes me 32:33 or not..... :)

in closing...

Brown Chicken- brown cow. Sgt Gilligan