dedication.

********************disclaimer************************
my blogs are my thoughts- they are as real as the thoughts to myself. self-centered, arrogant, conceited, vain, love, lust, joy etc... all parts of my mind ... an most likely all of our minds.... but who has the balls to really admit their own vanity?
*******************************************************


I don't normally dedicate a blog to someone, because mostly they are just rants that I am thinking about at the moment.
But as all of you know- My level of motivation towards my beloved Corps is only rising. :o)

I had a discussion with my husband a bit ago, describing the ultimatum I have given myself. In 3 years time, if I don't feel that my income, benefits, an vacation isn't up to par- I know I always have a back up plan, an wish to reenlist at the Sgt that MOL has me as.

I'd like to thank a marine in my life that hated me, despised the idea of a single deployment with me, let alone have me work for him.

My unit sends out tons of marines at a time for a giving deployment, but for this special case it was just me an the SSgt.. (an the LT who didn't like me either) According to my SSgt, he told me once that when he found out he was going on det with only me, he dreaded all the trouble i was going to get him into... because he knew only of my drunk stories, an rumors that would spread ... an some I can assume were not just rumors...


I dreaded the next 7 mths of my life.. knowing that this SOB was in charge of me.. he was an annoying, hard ass that had everything to complain about, and tell me what i was doing wrong. Micro-managing and shadowing me is NOT the way to get thru to me... I was, after all, "Cpl F**King Gilligan" ... Lots of friends, drunk every night, proud of my 200$ bar tabs ...and i thought I was amazing. Breaking hearts an booze made me feel powerful.

and then, along came the reality check....


not having anyone else in supply but my SSgt an I, the pressure was on...

I had picked up Cpl that spring, but moved shops an was still learning, so I never was put into a position of an NCO... so, according to me, in my little world, I was the center of it... I mine as well be a PFC at the rate I was going... but I was proud to be an NCO because I had a high PFT, high rifle, an good pros/cons, an went to Cpl's course 5 mths before I even picked up... so I thought as far as I am concerned I was hot shit... ya know, look at the paper work... it says it all.. but the truth was-- I had NO IDEA how to do ANYTHING... I never understood supply, I never had any marines to be responsible for, or set the example... pretty much all i knew how to do was issue boots, and i messed that up 1/2 the time anyway.

Headed to japan for the 2nd time with VMA-223 Harriers, I knew my way around...
So--- my SSgt puts me on night crew (probably so he didn't have to work with me or see me... )
Pushing me out of his hair back fired... the 1st night we had to work in Japan, SSgt had me workd day crew, then the next week I was switching to night crew, to manage myself ... this was a good idea??? (ya right)

The night before work, I went out drinking with my "friends" and was up till 0430, an had to be to work by 0530...
long story short, SSgt was pounding down my door at 0846 only to be greeted by his ONLY RESPONSIBILITY, still waisted, cigarette smelling, still dressed from the night before, makeup smeared down face, stumbling to the door in a delirious gaze like i didnt know where i was.

I had 10 min to be changed over, an in front of my barrack for the longest 5 min, silent drive, of my LIFE... all they way to the flight line.

an there awaits my LT that can't stand me and my SSgt that is already ashamed of the disgrace i was turning out to be.

our little office cleared, an i stood at parade rest getting the biggest, most embarrassing ass-chewing I'd ever gotten. Getting yelled at is one thing.. you messed up your job... *YELL YELL YELL, SPIT IN MY FACE, KNIFE HAND ME, IM A EFF UP, TURD BLAH BLAH BLAH* ... but when they are genuinely disappointed in you... because it wasn't even my 1st day of work an I had already fulfilled all of his dreaded nightmares an assumptions of me.... different story.

"YOU WANNA ACT LIKE A PFC, I CAN MAKE YOU ONE! YOU WANNA EMBARRASS ME, THAT'S FINE-- I'LL EMBARRASS THE HELL OUT OF YOU! I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE! I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO F**K UP THIS DEPLOYMENT FOR ME! etc.....You shouldn't even be a Cpl, you are a disgrace to a NCO....."

so-- low point in my career.. because, remember... I had tons of friends, and i could drink with my boys, and i liked to party.. because isnt that was the corps is about??? I remember my DI telling us, "Just remember, we work hard-- but we play even harder" and i thought to myself, "SWEET! IT'S GOING TO BE A PARTY FOR THE NEXT 4 YEARS!!!"

SSgt put me on day crew and I have ZERO room to mess up anything...micro-manage, and always breathing down my neck-- I hated him even more...

and then it all changed.. We were delivering C-130 tires to the ship yard on the other side of base, and in the EZ-Go.. we talked about life... and I told him where I came from, and the things I had done, and what I really loved about the Marine Corps, and what I wanted to be... an I wanted to be a good NCO, I want marines to look up to me.. i just dont know who... because I never had a Staff NCO to allow me to be that way... I was stuck in this FLIPPING, stupid shop that had the highest turn over rate of OIC's n Staff NCO's ... I was always by myself.. and always messing up things...my ASO told me I was doing great all the time an not to change.. then my Gunny would pull me aside an tell me I was a f**k up...

from that point out.. SSgt an I bonded.. he understood me.. he knew why i was the way i was...
He gave me responsibility.. put my incharge of things.. i got to be an NCO, he believed in me, taught me about supply.. an how it worked, and what I had to do, an know... gave me a reason to try an improve... kinda shined a different light on the ridiculous life I was living..

Granted, a lot of the marines I worked with back garrison couldn't stand him.. an didn;t understand why I loved him so much... but they also didn't know what he meant to me... I really embarrassed him, and made a mockery out of myself... and he pulled me back up.. I think because of him-- is why I loved the corps so much in the end...

Now, I know at going-aways every one tells you nice things, weather its a bunch of BS or not... no one is gunna stand up an say, "You were a jack ass" but I had a good turn out.. My Mastergunns was there, even my ASO! lots of my friends... and the best compliment I ever received from anyone was Master Gunnery Seargent Cook... "Cpl Gilligan, a great marine, w/o a single military bone in her body... no bearing and an no discipline, but a fine marine that will be greatly missed...."
Take it how you will- but that made me feel like I did a great job...
Knezeck would always feel that I was her go to marine for help... maybe that was mostly because after Cpl Driskill went on preggo leave, no one else was left to seek guidance from :o)...

But i want to thank you, SSgt Carlos Moreira..... inspite of what they all say about you (hahaha) I really loved you.. you taught me a lot, and didn't give up on me, and I hope I made you proud in the end....

I hope I made everyone proud in the end.... I loved the corps then, and I love it now... I didnt wanna be just another "wm" an i hope I illustrated that in the end..