not feeling up beat an chipper....
not feeling in love with my life...
the sun is shining down on this beautiful earth, and i am ..... here..... stuck in the corner of my brain.... shuffling thoughts of an argument that hasn't happened. and argument that is played out in my mind 1000 ways... but the only outcome is pain.
how many times do you have to repeat yourself until you feel like you have spoken?
my thoughts become issues, issues become anger which turns into rage... next thing i know.. i am making my bed in the most aggressive manner possible, and just screaming at the top of my hypothetical lungs in my hypothetical fight in my own mind.
there are so many things to say, but no words will come out right...
the waiting game is becoming my next obstacle to conquer... patience and time is the only remedy for this problem...
but when the day has come I know that it will be better. That that smile will be on your face, and it will light up my life... and I will love again... love my life, love these days...
ya know how they say "the grass is always greener" i think thats a bullshit statement.. because I know that it's not...
I don't understand where that perspective comes from.. because even when I am upset and sad and angry and frustrated... I know that at these moments of darkness...... these moments are better with you then a great moment with anyone else....
I'd rather live in silence and pain for a bit then to be happy with anyone else....
which brings me to my next point....
its not that bad... maybe I am okay today... maybe all it took was a few sentences... and now I can smile with you... because I do know that this time will go by.. and everything will be perfect.. because since you've come into my life... my life has been complete...
I am sorry I don't do a good job supporting you... and that I say the wrong things at the wrong time... and I clam up when you need me the most sometimes... I am still new at this "wife" thing.... and we have a lot of years together to perfect it... just don't give up on me, and I wont give up on you :o) even when i eat the rest of dinner and didnt leave you any :(
I remember this man I met once... on the back of an aircraft carrier.. we sat above the wake and watched the sun set below the horizon of the Sea of Japan... and he looked at me and said, "Bonnie an Clyde... till the end"... an described this life we'd have together...that we'd be on a roller coaster, and no one could ever stop us... and that he'd love me forever and always....
I remember those butterflies... they are still here..... I love you.... you are my everything....
this was us :o)
---- i feel much better... thnx for listening :o)
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