You think your gangsta.. cuz you did time.. well listen up gangsta...

I've been meaning to express how absolutely beautiful I find Seattle... I drive south on the 405 from Lynnwood to Bellevue for work... and for the last few weeks there is this slight hill that I come up over and a get a beautiful view of colorful yellow, red, and orange trees blanketing the landscape of rolling hills thru the western side of Washington... on a clear day I see Mount Rainer tucked away like an old sleeping dragon covered in snow... with clouds covering the very tip..at night.. theres a lake in the distance.. reflecting the glowing lights of the million dollar mansions that pepper the hillside... Today I drove down Bellevue way.. (for those who do not know.. it is the richest city per capita in the US)... each building has lights that change colors and shine big snow flakes... all the poles are cover in lights.. the trees, bushes, windows.... little presents with bows on them line the sidewalks.. Penelope told me tonight that at night ..after Thanksgiving... they blow fake snow down the streets everynight at 6pm.... HOW AMAZING IS THAT!!!???? I've been listening to Christmas music today... it really makes me feel amazing..... I have stung lights around my head board.... they are the multi color - so they have a warm glow to them when my lights are off.. an snuggled under my electric blanket.... i can almost see the snow falling outside.. I went home a few weeks ago... it was amazing,,, but my trip home didnt quite satisfy my home-sickness.... it did just enough to tide me over.. now the rest is just dealing with the everlasting thought of knowing I'll never return... mainly because there is nothing there for my husband an me.. all what is left is some wonderful friends.. an a whole lot of memories.. in which.. most should be forgotten.. but yesterday when i was unpacking... finally.... all of my clothes smelled like my parents house.. my old bedroom... I didnt throw them in the basket... i balled them up.. im sure I'll need it later... when im homesick again... im signing up for winter qtr tonight.... cant decide on my classes.. i have my basics.. but i am contemplating some extra.. I need a back up career... what if i get bored with what I am doing??? what if the field i have dreamed of.... isnt really what will strike my fancy??? work work work thats all i know... and i wanna do something i love... i feel like ill be in school forever if i dont decide... Acting?? I was looking at acting classes?? do i have the dedication?? power training?? do i really have the dedication?? I really want to take some interior design classes..... what about architectural design... am i smart enough?? PHOTOGRAPhY... oi... i'd love that... what it really boils down to is being content with the path i've chosen.. but are we ever really content?? no... forget that.. i'm never going to be content.. an tht's okay.. because as I am an ever changing individual.. so will be my dreams.. and looks like i am just goingto have to settle on being content with change... staying consistent has no place when you are ADHD... how will i ever buy a house?? i wanna go too many places.. see too many things... change too much... i'm okay with it all actually... it'll all fit into place because i have faith that it will.... what if i pursued acting again??? that seems challenging again... my mom brought up how i won 8th in state out of 300sum kids ... ... does that mean that i have any talent?? or everyone just sucked..lol Oh Christmas music... I hope my dad is having fun in Mexico.. drinking something fruity that should be ordered by a woman while lounging on the beach somewhere... I'm happy to have reconnected with dear friends.... it's crazy how after years an years of no communication... that spark still lingers... and the friendship is still there.. i cant say that about a lot of people in my life.. Merry Christmas..... I'm already starting my shopping.. pretty proud of myself.. i wanna make a lot of gifts.. so if you rcv something hand made.. YOU BETTER TELL ME YOU FREAKING LOVE IT!!! im in a blissful mood... why arent more people just genuinly happy??? i was at the church cafe this morning.. trying to be as happy an pleasent.. an smiling.. "have a wonderful day!!!" because thats how constomer service ROLLS.. i worked at MENARDS.. an i was HAPPY!!! but its shocking to see how little it is in return.. WHY CANT EVERYONE BE HAPPY! gah you have air in ur LUNGS!!... lighten up a little! OR IM GUNNA SHOVE MY SMILE DOWN YOUR THROAT.. im sure i had much more to say..but i seem to be in a rant... nanite for meow.... mmmmm Gizmo... i love you.. an your splotchy ways oh.. an dont let me forget to tell you how much i LOVE the seattle rain... :)