My thoughts

Friday, January 6, 2012

always starving for more.

Have we chosen the path of life in which we were meant for? How do we know this is what will make us happy? Could I have been happier choosing something else? I often find myself doing something I enjoy; like today for example... I sauteed some mushrooms, onions, cherry tomatoes and garlic together, and thru them on a toasted wheat wrap, where I cut up some grilled chicken and wilted spinach leaves, an had a spicy mustard dressing.. it tasted amazing, and I was entirely pleased with the choice of spices I had made.. While making Lynnie and me dinner I thought, " should I had gone to culinary school instead of cosmetology school?" which brings me to my next question.. is it too late? I wish I could have packed up an moved to some mountain an worked the lifts all winter an just done the "snow bum" thing.. saved my money, bought fewer items that tie me down, and travel more... should I had stayed in? always questions on my mind.. but isnt it on everyones? is that something that will always be? do we ever reach a period of time where we are okay with the path we chose? I feel like I will do something big someday! I'm going to achieve something GREAT!... my thoughts and goals are always dreaming of something better... is it just foolish talk? because... i am after all... just a dreamer..... I dream all day... all night... in the morning when my phone vibrates as the morning emails start to fill my junk box.. i lay with my eyes half open, not quite fully awake... but awake enough to day dream about the adventures and excitement I long for... shampooing my hair, when i get a client that isn't very talkative... driving home in my car w/o a stereo... an as I lay in bed at night slowly drifting off as I listen to the breath of my sleeping husband beside me.... I'm always dreaming... I pick a topic.. lets say its this idea of a café I have... i start with the items on my menu.. how much i would charge... i think about my favorite snakes or sandwiches, maybe a healthy cafe? maybe comfort foods... what would I paint the walls? i want a warm, welcoming feeling, maybe deep burgundy... internet access? leather couches? maybe a room to have a large screen TV so people can come in an pick a movie to watch?? I dream every moment I am not engaged in an active conversation, or occupied by time consuming nonsense (i.e. fb) Do we forever feel like there is something else out there for us? Is curiosity always consuming our thoughts? Will there every be a time that I look at my life an say I have made the right choices, and I am happy where I am? Or will I always starve for growth? Isn't it growth that keeps up alive, and productive? Instead of feeling like I am not doing enough, should i just recognize yearning for more is what will forever keep me in a forward perpetual motion and that its a good way of life? But would that be satisfying? or would I feel like I didnt amount to enough...

2 comments:

  1. Your last two posts together made me smile. Reflecting on how similar your thoughts were at 17/18/19 to your younger friends, and my reflecting how similar my thoughts were at your age now (now that I'm 41) - I can offer this...you'll always be seeking (until you die), and that's how it should be...that's why you came. Life is like a buffet of never ending new choices. That can seem overwhelming when you're young, because you think there are "right" and "wrong" choices. But know this...you'll never get it "right" and you'll never get it "done" - neither of those are the point of living. Enjoy the journey, follow your bliss, seek joy, surround yourself with people who love and challenge you, and you'll always be on a path that feeds your soul.

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  2. Glo, you have ADHD. People with ADHD can't stop day dreaming and are always coming up with brilliant ideas. There are actually people out there that have literally NO motivation to dream of something bigger and better and will never change their careers because they are scared of change or don't believe in themselves. I say, change your career as many times as you want. There is no harm in it if it is what YOU want. ;-)

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