who knew Katy Perry was so rad?

Goals Goals Goals.... It came to mind recently that the only reason I do things is to stay busy.. this may be true.. but if feels great to set goals... Especially when I accomplish them... Today, danny and i ran 5.2 miles... it was a slow run with a few sprints thrown in there.. but if felt great.. and made the idea of 13 miles seem less of an obstacle.

The season is changing, and the sun has been out more.. i think it's what is making me miss North Carolina ... who ever thought i'd actually miss that place.. but I really do.. I more so miss the car rides with Keesh Feesh singing cadence... sitting outside the barracks, smoking a cigg with Kayla at 7 am on a saturday morning-- realizing it was the 1st time I had seen a saturday morning in a looonngg time.. I miss coming home to a building filled with friends... the 3rd deck that was door to door of people I knew.. Broz living down the cat walk.. Mikey's room right there.... Bott begin my head mate... Sanford n Scott an our trip to Knoxville-- where it looked like a 5 year old was living in the back seat... Living with scott n Keesh.. an our parties.. and the night someone ate the head of the Habu Sake snake?? haha who did that?? our neighbor?? Miss the night we found out i ruined my key board... keesh an i got pulled over for pealing out in my eclipse at the beach trying to show off.. hahaha i miss my little convertible.. driving the strip of road down to Jville.. that same strip that I once sat in MCT staring out the window wondering if I was every going to be getting out of training... I miss when we all lived in the barracks... Whitfield, Lew, Grieder, Cruz Meowser....

When danny 1st moved in with me... an it was summer days an we'd run the railroad tracks behind our apartment... its so sunny there.. thats all i remember it as... sunny... and beautiful....

I know all chapters have to come to an end.. but isn't it the chance of season that makes you reflect on all the changes of life?... it's such a bitter sweet thought....

we've come so far... and i can't wait to find out what's next... but for right now.. I love where I came from.. that Katy Perry song.. "part of me" reminded me of all of this... the music vid ( if you haven't seen it) she breaks up with her cheating bf an joins the Corps... oh man... didn't we all run away from something....??/

I am done with school now... an have all this free time.. i am geeked....

gotta shower now... an head to another amazing day at the barbershop :) I love everything.

control. manipulation. stress. Life.

I understand that there are parts of us that we are inclined to control the situation around us. Woman meet men, they fall in love.. and then over time (or right off the bat) the woman takes on the roll of controlling all aspects of his life, their marriage, etc..

Why is this? It is the motherly intuition that takes over to makes sure everything thing is in working order, but when you are young, in life an in a relationship/marriage you don't know where to draw the line or you don't know what you just CAN'T be in control of??

Luckily, I am here to tell you.. if you are new in a marriage.. you eventually start to relax.. Now, I am not saying you don't stop trying to control every part of your husbands life--- but I can tell that I SLOOOWWWLYYYY am able to just stop trying to add my two cents, to EVERYTHING... it is an everyday battle.. an frankly, its flipping annoying... Men are big boys.. they don't need to be looked after like we think they do... Now, I also believe that men secretly do love it-- whether or not they will admit to it.. for the most part I could generalize an say- They are looking of that motherly replacement to be taken care of. I can see that they like their laundry done, their room cleaned, their lunch made.. (dear Lord, I do not to these things at ALL on a regular basis) but I can for sure see that it is enjoyed...

but, there are limits.. you just can't be in control of EVERYTHING... stop forgetting that they have their own lives.. that they want to do as they please, and that they need to feel in charge.. you can't have two chiefs all the time.. after awhile, you both find your place where one person knows what they are in charge of, and the other knows their place of dominating...

this is what I am working on. If I feel this everlasting desire to be in control of EVERYTHING.. which I think is just an excuse to have a reason to be pissy 1/2 the time.... then I should be able to manipulate that desire into more constructive behavior rather then destructing me marriage.

PT

Physical Training. It may very well be the only thing that I can be in complete control over.. and it's healthy... All the stress of my life all of the subjects that I want to add my two cents to... PT is a way to relive that desire... I can control what goes in my mouth, how hard I push myself, my routine, my output, I see results... So... I am trying to control my own life.. In the end... why isn't that enough...? why are woman ( I am speaking for myself, BTW - so if you are a female and you don't have these issues... I don't mean to offend you-- I just see a pattern in a lot of friends of mine... an myself)... always trying to fix everything in everyone else's life when they can't just focus on perfecting their own. So- here is my advice in which I am currently following... I am on the longest work out routine I have ever been on--- excluding Marine Corps boot camp... that was against my will HAHAHA... but for a little over a month now, I have been eating BETTER.. (not perfect, but better) I am working out 3-5 days a week.. and SLOWLY seeing results... I am trying to focus this need to be in control over everything... an pushing it towards personal best... if I have to be in control-- why not make it of myself.... Grow. Build. Strive. Succeed. control yourself before you get bent out of shape because your man can't read your mind of craziness an may have let you down.. on something retarded... that you made up as a reason to just be mad...

do you ever notice that... ? sometimes we just need to cause ripples? if its too smooth, we subconsciously find a reason to stir up nonsense...???

take that rage... that frustration... that desire to control EVERYTHING.. an manipulate it... burn it off... build yourself... reach your goals... Stay on track.. your man is a full grown adult.. and together you can build a beautiful, lasting relationship... just get over the fact that you don't need to regulate everything in his life... Remember, he was a person before you met him.. an he had things he loved to do... an you loved him for it.. ;o)... don't forget that... with that being said.... I love my husband, and every damn thing he was before I met the man.... and that's what I want to hang on to.. I don't wanna change him.. I want to look at him in 40 years and see that 22 year old that 1st blew my socks off!

i hope this helps some of you.. I know I have had conversations with some of my gf's an we all look blankly at each other wondering... WHY DO WE DO THIS...

o yeah, an pray on it.. It's amazing what the Lord knows you are capable of :o)