I know a lot of you know the path my life has been on in this last year.. and with a clean fresh start, I am taking this opportunity to cleanse. I will keep my blog, incase you are genuinely interested in what I am up to, I will have email-- but I don't want to be contacted via email...
gloria.sherer@gmail.com -- incase you wish.. otherwise, I am requesting hand written letters only... I'll post my address when i get there.. I have a long ways to go before I get there..
today i start packing up my life into many boxes and totes to be stored within a storage facility... I have about 4 days to do it... and as scatter brained as I am, I struggle to organize my thoughts and emotions long enough to get done what has to be done. My life has been pretty emotional in the last month.... the word "emotional" is a weak word to describe the magnitude of angst, stress, pain, and nausea I am actually experiencing. I think along this journey I have had my 1st anxiety attack. I can't tell if I need to vomit, or cry... maybe a little both.. maybe at the same time.. but instead.. when I know all I have to do is cry... for some reason i can't. I wont. I refuse to. I don't have time to be weak and sulk in the choices I have made... I will save that for another time.. maybe when i am alone in NC.. maybe when I am by myself and quiet in aghan. One of these days I will have to face the demons that lurk in the depths of the darkness.. the darkness that's trying to make me weak. I'm far too strong to give into such pathetic behavior... at least that's what I am talking myself into.
As I sat this afternoon in my garage, organizing boxes of my life... I ran across a tote filled with memories of my past. all my bootcamp letters/cards/pictures, along with a billion letters from gf's in high school. my cap an gown, journals from my childhood.. where i wrote Gloria Schuring over everything (hahah I love you, Danni!) letters even back to 8th grade band class, when Kim and I would pass notes in front of Mr. Hazen...
the letters that pull at my heart the most are from my father. There is no doubt in my mind that 90% of the choices I have made in my short life are in direct connection to making him proud. He wrote me so many in highschool, and so much encouragement thru bootcamp.. I pulled a few out and I intend on taking them on this deployment with me....
I really need to change up the music I am listening to lately... this is killing me... altho, the sappy shit is how I am feeling-- it doesn't help my motivation.. I have accomplished nothing today.. besides sitting alone in the garage, ready letters spread all over the floor, and crying.. Maybe that's all I needed.. i got my crying out of the way...
I am excited and I am scared. my life is going to be completely different when i get back... and as hard as it is too push that all aside and not dwell on it..it's still there.. tugging on the coat tails of my heart...
your heart is a funny thing.
There is so much that has to happen. and I waist my time--- sitting here ..... maybe I'll pack a little more.. maybe I'll just sit and stair at my Gizwiz... because I love her.. and she looks adorable with a collar n a bell :)... i think I am going to give her a bath tonight...she needs to smell like cherries,,, and then clip her nails...because I dont like how she claws me...
Also, found a journal entry from the day I walked into the rctr station the very 1st time. I'm proud of my insight... little did I know what I was actually getting myself into. I did mention that I had no idea know what I was getting into, nor what I would have to go thru.. but that God would never give me something I couldn't handle... whelp, looks like here is another one of those moments in my life...
I want to talk about something else... The Marine Corps... but I am very to sick of stressing about my feelings.. so I will save that for another rant. This is all I have on my mind....
Yut for now.. Rah rah and all that jazz...
xoxoxoxox
The Motivator ... (haha, that was my call sign :) AKA Sgt Sherer AKA Glo
