a little PT... just for you... just for me.....

*grumble grumble grumble* I went for a run this morning.... I know I am not the fastest runner.. but i felt great.. and I was running a 27-28 min PFT... THAT'S almost 6 minutes off my runtime! GAHHHH!!!! I am so embarrassed that I started MOS school off on such a bad foot :( I knew I could do better then that! Does humidity really screw you over like that?!?!?! I didn't realize that! I have my CFT in a few weeks-- i'm pretty confident it will be just fine... I guess rifle range is the same weekend.. This will be pretty exciting!

My cat doesn't let me sit on my computer.. she's such an attention whore like her mother... she must walk all over me and thru her head under my hands .. DEMANDING i pet her.. stop what I am doing... and show her love.. AND THEN... she RUNS thru the house like a mad woman! i know none of us in the house are drug users, but i wonder if she finds 8balls of crack somewhere....

Gilligan

i want to kiss you, but i want it too much, i want to taste you.. but your lips are venomous poison.....

back to the grind...

Jumping in with both feet i feel energized, confident, determined, and motivated! my music runs thru my veins, rushes my blood and its making me feel like I'm a million dollars... pulling motivation from my peers keeps the ultimate goal in full focus.. the only thing i have to really concentrate on is keeping my eye on the prize... This summer has brought lots of changes... I just spent 30 days back in the Corps... even though it was just student status- it was just what I needed to get a grasp of what I want... I just registered for fall qtr.. i am a little nervous of how busy I will be.. but i know that in the end.. it will all be worth it.. from 0630- to 2100 just about every day except sundays i will be in school then work.. if it's worth having in life, it's worth working your ass off for... some day I know I will look back on my life when i am an old woman and i will smile... i'll smile because i know i gave it my all. there are times when we fall off track- i think that's natural.. but the difference is when you recognize it, grab life by the horns and control your situation.. I say all the time and i'll say it again... from the great words of my father, "you are the sum total of all decisions you have made in life..." you don't sit around pouting because of your situation. YOU put yourself there.. YOU are responsible.. AND ONLY YOU... can change it.. so take a big gulp of suck it the @#$^ up and do something about it. I choose to be a product of my choices, not the other way around.

I don't really know what it is- but I feel like a ray of sunshine and energy.

I am so proud of the people in my life as well. Friends are coming out of the wood work to ask you about my father's brewing company.. and I can't help but get all bubbly and giddy inside for him and his best friend for doing just that.. taking life in the hands and pursing a goal in which they have both desired. I am confident that their choices in life have impacted others and help motivate people that may not even know in life. I am in Seattle, Washington and I have had clients in my chair tell ME about my dad's brewery in Kalamazoo, Michigan. my hats off to you daddy.. you have always been my cheer leader in life, always backed me up.. and always grounded me when i got too high... you are my saving grace, and I am forever indebted to your love and support.. you will always have mine...

i can't tell you what the future holds for me.. but i know it's going to be great... and on that note.. i'd like to address my husband...

Danny may very well be the most amazing man I have met in my life... ( i never met my father, i always knew him :) -- ) His love and support, and undying devotion and love centers me... He's encouraging and trusting even when i know he is leery... He is always there to make sure I have an open mind.. and makes me see the other side of the coin in all circumstances.. even when i don't want to hear it. I spend lots of my time day dreaming about him, how we met, moments in our relationship, the excitement, the uncertainty, the exhilaration and the copious amounts of impulse choices we have made together...from getting married in 12 hours.. to moving to a tropical island in which neither of us have ever been to, nor did we know anyone.. there isn't a person on this planet that I would ever want to get lost with, take uncharted adventures... or live out my days with... I'm more blessed then I deserve to be... He is my rock. My focus.. my love... and without him... well- i'd still be me.. and i'd still be independent, focused and driven... but with him..life is a lot less hectic and lonely...

I'm sweaty, smelling, sore, and the 6 mile run i just did with a break at the gym 1/2 way thru -- really makes me want to shower. Cheers for now. -Gilligan.

didn't have to stooooooooop so low

My time here has come to an end already.. most likely the fastest month of my life has come and gone... Getting back into it has been awesome! not going to lie... it's really hard knowing im not active... I want this life again... it fills an emptiness of wandering hopes... Itll be okay tho-- because the life I have made for myself blows MC life out of the water.. sometime I wanna save my cake and eat it too... I guess I am doing that with the reservist part.... Just sad to hear about everyones orders and where they will be going and giving them advice about the "fleet".... Thank you, Camp Johnson... you have been boring and hot/humid.. happy to leave.... but so sad to say goodbye.. -Sgt Gilligan

oh she makes me.......

I can't even tell you what the last 13 days of my life has been like.... What started in this euphoric, amazing, highly anticipated month quickly turned into the worse day of my Marine Corps... for a few reasons, in which it is no ones fault but my own. What my average PFT score is a medium to high 1st class. I started this course off by failing my PFT.. well news flash. as a Sgt, there is no room for error, and at the end of the day I could complain about frivolous things like, humidity and being out for 2 years blah blah blah... but what it boils down it, is that I didn't prepare enough, and I let the Marine Corps down. Which resulted in another Sgt telling me, essentially, that I was a disappointment and there was no reason for me to even be back in and I should have never picked up Sgt. well- slap in the face to me. But she is dead right. I understand that there are a ton of different style leaderships... PT is not my top 5 strong points. But that is something that can be controlled... So, you suck in the eff up and brush off your knees, mend your hurt ego and you put one foot in front of the other... I may not be very book smert -:) and I may not be a marathon runner... (wait, I did do that.. I just ran it slow)... and I may do everything the long and hard way 1st before I get a hang of it.. but there is one thing that no one can deny me of... an that's having heart. I'm not going to give up, I am not going to fail... (completely) and I will get better... It's been quite the adjustment getting back into the swing of things... Something things come so naturally and others throw me thru loops. I stare blankly at the instructions, trying so hard to understand and comprehend, I don't want to look like a fool... I know I'll get the hang of it.

It's hard being somewhere, starting over essentially, and not having any friends. I am not used to it... I am used to people knowing me, liking me, thinking I'm funny...

I didn't really have any expectations when I got back in.. I knew it would be different, but what I guess I didn't realize is how much time it would cause me to reflect on life. We as the NCO's are teaching and training the boots about the fleet, what it's like, what to expect, and how life is... and in the midst of everything.. I forget that I am not active... I wont be at work 24/7 with Marines... I wont be irritated one moment, running around like a headless chicken the next, and so excited every morning... I get kind of sad... This is making me wonder if I should have ever gotten out??? Should I have?? I think that there are all sorts of things in life that I want to see and be apart of it.. Maybe just the reserves is the right ave.? I do love my life in Seattle.. I love my family... my job... my cat... amazing husband an I moved to a tropical island last year... FOR THE FUN OF IT! ...where is next? What's next on my list of adventures... Should I keep my beloved Corps at an arms length so I can have my cake and eat it to?

While writing this blog, I was sitting outside my hatch on the balcony... and Taps began to play... The faint sound of the horn blanketing the outdoors in a ritual of pride and respect... we stand and salute as they lower the flag of the United States of America... and put her to bed for the night, so at 0800... she can wake up, unfurl, and dance in the breeze for the rest of the day.. representing everything we stand for and support.

this is what I missed...

The Marine Corps makes me feel like I had drive and a purpose.. Maybe because it's just a challenge for me... Everything comes the hard way... and I am pretty sure that is inadvertently self inflicted..

Maaaaatu posted a blog tonight that I stopped to read, and I loved it so much I pulled my boots into a room and read it to them....Her and I agree about a lot of things in the Corps.. and even tho (i'm pretty sure) I came in before her.... I look up to her... I respect her, I want to learn from her. She is squared away, self-motivated and driven... we share the love.... and the ambition... Still trying to figure out what it is that this life we have is in store for us... all we know is that we are going to have a blast trying to figure it out...

I have so much to do to grow--- to become better... to tweak....

Am I the person I've always wanted to be? I am not sure about that.. Some days I'd say yes and others I'd say no...

In the end, it's just to make you proud, Daddy:) What if i have lived my entire life just to make that man proud? What if every choice I have ever made was just to make him tell me how great of a job I am doing??? Am I the only one on this planet that sees how much of an amazing man my father is? How hard working, how positive, how motivated, how.. "if there is a will, there is a man named Bill" he is???? How "you are the sum total of all choices you have ever made in lifE" he is... How " Words mean things, Gloria" he is??? am i the only one that thinks this man can just about walk on water????

not sure-- but if that's what it takes me to succeed in life.. I just hope I don't let him down... I want to live out his legacy... I want to teach some little child of mine some day the importance of "you are only as old as you feel" or "excuses are for those who make them" or "success is getting up one more time then you get down".. HOLY CRAP i guess i didnt realize how many saying i knew of his.. I could go on an on.. and the end of the day..

this is me. this is the path of life I have chosen. and this is the path of life I am going to run down.. weather it takes me 32:33 or not..... :)

in closing...

Brown Chicken- brown cow. Sgt Gilligan