there has been many times that I have wanted to sit down and write a blog in the last 10 mths... but every time I site down to write something.. I felt that the "airing your dirt laundry" kicked in and I didn't want to complain. So many things have happened in the last 10 mths, so many obstacles so many emotions, feelings, hormones... you name it.. i felt it.. and it just didn't seem right to write about it ... do you know what i mean? like, i was feeling such angst, sorrow, pain and hurt that i didn't want to come off sounding like i was just airing my dirt laundry for the world to hear... I guess now that it is all said and done, it is okay to write about. In the last 10 mths... I have activated in the United States Marine Corps.. I moved to North Carolina to do me "work up" to head to Afghanistan.. my divorce was processing.. I deployed to Afghanistan.. I worked in the most stressful job I have imagined.. my job wasn't too stressful, but the enviornment I was working it was killing me... the divorce was final on my birthday.. which was terrible.. for the rest of my life.. what a great reminder that I fail in life.. I failed at something I commited to.. and itfailed because of the selfish choices i made which lead to adultery.. Ruining the greatest thing that came into my life..

I just didn't feel the need to express all of my feelings ... I didn't want to bring anyone down, and I didn't want to put it all out there...

but I guess now that it is all said and done.. its okay to express... ... altho.. I don't have a lot to say right now.. inspiration comes and goes.. and I had a moment where I wanted to share something.. but now the time has passed.. So... I don't really know what I want to talk about...

I am back "home" now.. staying with my best friend Lynnie.. her husband and her beautiful baby... It's calm and easy going.. my rage, sadness, happiness, content and bliss all comes in waves... a lot of things remind me of a life from the past, and many things carry on so fast that I forget where I am... Moving forward is the only sense of relief I have from the life that was before.. but every once in a while-- it all creeps up.. and like a slap in the face.. reality sets in.. and I am saddened by time... I guess this is all for now...maybe I will feel inspired later.. but for now.. this is all.. xoxoxo